Auditions – 2025 Season

By Zoë Badder; Directed by Judith Henderson

Performance: 10th – 15th February 2025
Casting: 20th & 22nd November 2024 at 7:30pm

Described as ‘Fawlty Towers meets Crossroads’, Bad Reception is a brand new laugh-out-loud comedy with a twist, by local playwright Zoë Badder.

Up in remote Inverness, you’ll find a small hotel in a tiny village. But this is no ordinary hotel. Start with the eccentric owner and his long-suffering wife, and then add two warring sisters, on a post-funeral holiday with an unbearable mother-in-law. Throw in an eccentric writer, some escaping parrots, a dark secret, the abysmal weather and a chef you’d rather you never met, and you’ve booked yourself a stay at The Verness Hotel.

Prepare yourself for a weekend you’ll never forget.

Cast Required

• Helen Smith – The older sister, aged between twenty-five and thirty-five. Married to Robert and a little bit ditzy.
• Sophie Hart – he younger sister, aged between twenty and thirty. Wiser than her older sister but has always looked up to her. In love with another man who is also named Robert.
• Vivian Smith – Helen’s mother-in-law. The eldest of the characters (aged between fifty-five and seventy), she enjoys gardening and complaining about anything that doesn’t reach her unrealistically high standards. Thinks she can get away with saying awful things because of her age.
• Mandy Ross – Hotel owner’s wife, aged between forty and fifty-five. Practical, no-nonsense, slightly grumpy, and runs the hotel almost single-handedly. Can often come across as unkind but does have a good heart.
• Duncan Ross – Hotel owner, aged between forty and fifty-five. Has a Scottish accent. His father owned the hotel before him, but despite being brought up in the trade he would rather go fishing, look after his pet parrots, and make terrible jokes.
• Peter Wood –  A non-fiction writer wanting to branch out into fiction. The second eldest character, aged between fifty-five and sixty-five. He is often seen observing the various goings on and making the occasional comment.

If you are interested in any of the roles and cannot attend either of the auditions, please contact the director to express your interest.

Contact Details: judyslayer@hotmail.co.uk

By Liz Lochhead; Directed by Jason Munn

Performance: 24th – 29th March 2025
Casting: 27th January 2025 at 6:30pm

A bittersweet romantic comedy about finding love later in life, from ‘Scotland’s greatest living dramatist’ Scotland on Sunday. Suddenly single and with the dreaded ‘Big Five-0’ staring her in the face, Susan also has to cope with a father in his second childhood, a daughter in the throes of aggravated adolescence and an ex who, unfortunately, still has the power to wound…

Set in the charity shop (and around the year 2000) where Susan is a volunteer, Good Things is a poignant, hilarious play with a lot to say about finding love the second (or third or fourth) time. It was conceived by Lochhead as a loosely thematic sequel to her earlier play Perfect Days (performed at the Traverse Theatre, 1998).

Liz Lochhead’s Good Things was first performed by Borderline Theatre Company, in association with the Byre Theatre, St Andrews and Perth Theatre, at the Tron Theatre, Glasgow in September 2004, prior to an extensive national tour.

Cast Required

• Susan Love – Middle-aged, roughly 50ish David (customer, recently widowed) – Middle-aged, roughly 50ish
• Actress (any age, but playing roles of all ages) – plays Marjorie (Susan’s boss), Scotch Doris (dotty customer), [plus minor roles of] Natalie, Welldressed woman, Nice policewoman and Helena
• Actor (any age, but playing roles of all ages) – plays Frazer (Susan’s colleague), Tony Love (Susan’s ex husband), [plus minor roles of] Scuffy Man, Archie (Susan’s dad), Insensitive

The Actress/Actor roles could be shared between more actors, if need be. As well as these onstage roles, backstage and technical staff are required, so if you are interested in these aspects of the production, please come to the audition. If you are unable to attend on the night please contact the director.

Contact Details: jasonjmunn@gmail.com

By Shaun Baines; Directed by David Wood

Performance: 24th – 26th April 2025
Casting: 28th January 2025 at 6:00pm

Carol, an eager-beaver actor, is waiting for the oddest audition she’s ever attended. She doesn’t know what the rôle is or who invited her there. But after receiving a letter telling her where to be and when, she finds herself in an abandoned building as a storm rages outside, hoping this might be her big break.

She is soon joined by Richard, Barbara, and Misty, jaded actors with the best of their careers behind them. Their outlandish egos are matched only by their love of gossip. The claws come out, and while they don’t know who invited them all to audition, one thing is clear – they’ll do anything to succeed.

When one of them dies under mysterious circumstances, they do what all good actors do – tuck the body out of sight because the show must go on.

Old rivalries come into play when a sinister man called Mr Strike appears from nowhere and accuses them of murder. It is only then that the actors start asking themselves the big questions. What is Richard’s big secret? How did Barbara’s career go so wrong? Why does Mr Strike look like he sleeps in a crypt? And which of them is the murderer?

An Actor’s Death for Me is a comic murder mystery written by Shaun Baines, author of the Holly Fleet mystery series and the Daniel Dayton thrillers. He runs Comedy Pilot Presents, a scripted narrative podcast designed to give new comedy writers their first writing credit.

Shaun says, ‘I first got the idea for An Actor’s Death for Me when I watched an actor have a complete meltdown because he did not get the rôle he thought he deserved. It put me in mind of a toddler who has been refused their second ice cream. I wondered how far an actor would go to land a role, and An Actor’s Death for Me was born.’

Cast Required

• Carol (Mid-thirties) – Carol is a mouse of a woman in mismatched clothing. Underneath her soft exterior lies a desire to uncover the truth.
• Richard (Mid-fifties) – an old blowhard with a militaristic bearing. He has genuine acting talent, which is matched only by his failure to exploit it.
• Barbara (Mid-fifties) – showy and theatrical, Barbara wears too much jewellery. She is keenly aware of her age, attempting to hide it under layers of make-up.
• Misty (Mid-forties) – an aging hippy in floaty tie-dye clothing. She seems as if she would bathe in patchouli oil.
• Mr Strike (Seventies) – a thin man with a trimmed goatee beard. He wears dark suit, carries a clipboard and looks like he slept in a crypt.

If you cannot attend the audition and wish to be involved, please contact the director.

Contact Details: wyncliffe46@gmail.com

By William Gleeson; Directed by Kate Sparkes-McSevich & Mitch Ralley

Performance: 9th – 14th June 2025
Casting: 25th February 2025 at 6:30pm (Other dates available by arrangement)

The world’s most unusual criminologist, Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau, fights for his life and for the future of all mankind. Former Chief Inspector Dreyfus, once his longsuffering boss and now driven criminally insane by Clouseau’s inexplicable success, has hijacked the ultimate weapon, the Doomsday Machine, = determined to exact his revenge on Clouseau, = no matter if the end of the world comes with it. Will Clouseau, his loyal manservant Cato and the mysterious agent Olga by his side, rise to the occasion as great men often do?

The 1976 film was one of the highlights of the beloved ‘Pink Panther’ series and is the only one to be cleverly adapted for community theatre. With a wealth of walk-on parts, ridiculous accents, stunts and visual gags galore, there will be something for everyone in our ‘Big Tent’ of a production. Whichever generation you come from, this project will be unmissable for anyone with a nose for nostalgia and a soft spot for silliness.

Cast Required

• Jacques Clouseau – The Chief Inspector of the Sûreté. Always cool, or maybe just oblivious, in the face of great danger.
• Paul Dreyfus – The former Chief Inspector, now his arch enemy, possessed by vengeful thoughts and a neurotic facial twitch.
• Cato – Clouseau’s manservant and martial arts expert.
• Francois – Clouseau’s driver and confidant.
• Olga – Mysterious secret agent.
• Dr. Fassbender – Inventor of the Doomsday Machine
• The Pink Panthers – Two, or even three, mimes in full costume, essential to the staging of the play; aspiring drag artists would be ideal but all genders considered!
• Plus…. Over 20 multi-role parts of differing sizes – McLaren from Scotland Yard, Mafia Henchmen, a Spy with a Poisoned Pretzel, the list goes on. Take on as many or as few as you dare! A preview of the script is available here.

Due to the 2025 schedule and the need for a soft floor some rehearsals may be held at another venue in Carlisle.

Contact Details: msralley@yahoo.co.uk; Tel: 07518 982 446

By Noël Coward; Directed by Jack Lester

Performance: 11th – 16th August 2025
Casting: 5th June 2025

A few years back I was given the chance to direct my first main stage play at the Green Room, Noël Coward’s Blithe Spirit. So when I was approached to direct another of Coward’s works I was delighted. Present Laughter is a lighthearted farce. Based on Noël Coward himself, the play celebrates his legendary wit and larger than life persona.

Set in the 1940s, the story follows actor Garry Essendine as the star of the London theatrical scene at the height of his fame and adored by admirers – perhaps a little too much.

In the week before Garry is set to embark on an African tour, he encounters over keen fans; His best friend’s wife who is determined to seduce him, his ex-wife who tries her best to keep him on course, and his secretary who does not approve of his current lifestyle, as well as an impending mid-life crisis caused by his age.

Cast Required

• Garry Essendine – The man of the hour. Garry is a quick witted legendary actor. He’s prone to dramatic speeches. He believes himself to be the one who suffers the most, yet is the cause of all his problems.
• Liz Essendine – Garry’s Ex-wife who he is still close friends with. Liz is not amused by Garry’s current style of living but determined to stay by his side to keep him on track.
• Monica Reed – Garry’s secretary of many years, she too disapproves of Garry’s current reckless behaviour.
• Daphne Stillington – A young fan and admirer of Garry, she meets him at a party and spends the night due to losing her ‘latch key’ and is determined to prove that their fling is something more serious.
• Roland Maule – An aspiring playwright and obsessive fan of Garry’s.
• Morris Dixon – A producer and close friend to Gary.
• Henry Lyppiatt – Businessman and another close friend of Garry. A core member of the group.
• Joanna Lyppiatt – Henry’s Wife and new to the close knit group of friends, Happy to use her looks and charm to get what she wants.
• Fred – Garry’s valet, Seems to keep himself amused by getting to watch all the drama happen around with.
• Miss Ericson/ Lady Saltburn (Double part) – Miss Ericson is Garry’s eccentric, Scandinavian housekeeper. Mystical, spiritual, and has a tranquil madness about her. Lady Saltburn – A wealthy dowager and majestic society woman.

If you would like to make any enquiries about the parts or the play itself contact the director

Contact Details: jack.lester1993@gmail.com

By Peter Genoway; Directed by Charlie Raine

Performance: 18th – 20th September 2025
Casting: 9th June 2025 at 6.30pm

Set in a pair of bars in Northeastern Ontario, Canada, during a mighty blizzard, a drifter returns home to collect his father’s ashes only to find the animosity of a grizzled bartender standing in his way. The drifter begins to spin a yarn in an attempt to settle old debts, but proceedings soon unravel into a case of mistaken identities, double-crosses, and violence. Told over the course of one evening,

The Oak Room is a ‘Northern Gothic’ thriller examining notions of memory, masculinity, and the power of storytelling.

Cast Required

• Paul (The Bartender) – Bitter and crotchety, he’s nice to those he knows and suspicious of those he don’t. We get the feeling he’s generally not a big fan of change and is perhaps embroiled in something far more serious than he would deign to mention. Playing age 40-60, male.
• Steve (The Drifter) – Cocksure, stopping just short of smarmy. Would never say he’s the smartest one in the room, but is constantly thinking it. This is emphasised through the play as he always seems to know more than he’s letting on, and is (in smaller doses) exposed as he is caught at a loss when made aware of hard-hitting truths. Playing age 21-30, male.
• Michael/Michaela – Confident, with a turbulent edge that makes them difficult to read. The star of Steve’s story, the audience must be kept guessing at the true intentions of this character. Playing age 25-50, all/no/any gender.
• Richard/Evelyn – A chip on their shoulder due to the fact they are an outsider who is treated as such. From ‘the big city’, they are a well-dressed, take-noguff, waste-no-time professional caught in the tête-à-tête with Michael/Michaela from Steve’s tale. Playing age 30-50, all/no/any gender.
• Gordon – Steve’s father, and Paul’s dear friend. The star of Paul’s story, we get the impression from his comparatively brief appearance that he’s a bit of a soft touch who simply wants to look after a son that has moved on from the small-town life. Playing age 50+, male.
• Kenneth/Cynthia – The owner of The Oak Room pub, where Steve’s story is set. They are kind and charitable, exactly what you’d want from a publican – everybody’s friend and nobody’s enemy. Playing age 50+, all/no/any gender.

If you are not able to come to the audition on the date, please contact the director to discuss a seperate date.

Contact Details: leoraine@hotmail.co.uk

By William Gaminara; Directed by Jason Munn

Performance: 29th September – 3rd October 2025
Casting: 28th July 2025 at 6.30pm

A sharp, hilarious behind-the-scenes glimpse of diplomacy in action, centring on England’s bid for the 2018 World Cup.

A footballer, a prince and a prime minister walk into a hotel room…

Cast Required

• Johannes/Hendrik – A South African hotel porter, not very good at his job – neither is he interested. British accent. Hendrik Johannes twin brother. Discreet, loyal, and extremely enamoured of the British Empire. Encyclopaedic knowledge of British sporting achievements, especially cricket. South African accent. Any age. (Both played by the same actor)
• Penny – Intern of the Conservative party. Public school educated – no qualifications! She aims to please, and is starstruck by David Beckham and Prince William. Very posh / RP accent. Mid 20s.
• David Beckham – Football superstar with an eye for fashion. Brighter than he looks. South London accent. Late 30s.
• David Cameron – Leader of the Conservative party. Exasperated by his fellows. A bit of a twit who is trying to be better. Posh accent. Mid 40s.
• Prince William – Charming, endearing, a bit of a joker. Name dropper. Very posh /RP accent. Early 30s.
• Lachlan – A large good looking Australian man in his 30s. Surfer dude. Australian accent.

As well as these onstage roles, backstage and technical staff are required, so if you are interested in these aspects of the production, please come to the audition, If you are unable to attend on the night, contact the director.

Contact Details: jasonjmunn@gmail.com